A New Normal

Things seem to be getting back to normal around here. I don't know about the rest of the family, but every once and a while I get these sudden urges to cry- for the boys growing up without a mother, for the way Melanie and her mother and grandmother were unable to patch things up, for Melanie's eleven year old brother Christopher. All these things and more just hit me at odd times during the day, and I usually end up crying for a minute or two.

We did find something interesting in the house last night. Jonathan decided to help Janine (she and two other people are helping clean and pack Jonathan and Melanie's house to get it ready to sell) by starting to clean the basement. Jonathan's had some trouble with the basement flooding, and apparently it flooded pretty badly over the summer and Melanie didn't tell Jonathan about it for one reason or another- probably because he was lying in the bed with a new hip. Well, a lot of the items in the basement were ruined because of water damage. As we started going through some of the water damaged items, we found a certificate of baptism from the First Assembly of God in Bagdad, Florida. It was dated August 24, 1997 and it was Melanie's! I felt such a relief after seeing that.

Some people have been asking what they can do to help us. Mostly we just need your prayers. Especially the boys. But if you feel like you want to do more, we've set up an account for donations to help Braden and Landon. If you would like to send a donation, please use the following information:

Citizens Bank

Jonathan Brown & Family

PO Box 2156

Batesville, AR 72503

Account Number: 6980260

Any amount you can donate will help them. We've been asking people to donate to the account rather than buying flowers or food. At least this way, the boys will have something good come out of this horrible tragedy.

Keep praying for us. And thank you.

We buried Melanie today.

Today was a very hard day. We buried Melanie this morning. All week long I've been trying my best to hold it together, for the sake of my brother, the boys and my mom and dad. I just wanted to be there to help them as much as I could.

But this morning, I had to dress Landon and Braden for their mother's funeral. Nana, Melanie's grandmother, bought them a new outfit to wear for the service. Landon loved his and wanted to put it on because he knew how much his mom would have liked it. Braden on the other hand, did not even want to look at it. The day Janine brought it over for him to try on, he basically ran out of the room and wouldn't even look at it. I eventually got it on him, and as I started to get ready, my heart broke for my two boys. I've never in my life had to do something as hard as holding on to Braden's hand as we sat through the funeral for his mother. How can you help a five year old understand why things like this happen when it's so hard to understand yourself?

The boys did really well. Landon even went up and gave his mom a small little puppy to keep with her. She had given a similar one to Braden about six months ago that he hasn't let go of. Last night Landon wanted to watch the video we were showing at the visitation. Braden had not up to that moment wanted to even look at a picture. But I guess he decided it would be alright because he climbed up on my lap and watched the video with us.

I think everyone was ready for the funeral. We had to wait so long because some of her family was coming from France and Canada. The service was beautiful. Pastor Tony officiated and did such a good job. Melanie's sister Megan gave a eulogy that just about ripped my heart out. But the thing that still makes me cry is watching my brother as the grief started settling in on him, and the tears running down his face, and the sob coming from his chest. I love him so much and to see my little brother in so much pain tears me apart.

Melanie was buried in the family mausoleum at Janine's farm. It's a beautiful spot, looking over a valley and very close to her farm. Some of Mel's family is buried there. And the chapel connected to the mausoleum is absolutely beautiful- very reminiscent of the small family chapels you would see in the countryside in France.

After they had sealed her crypt, I walked Landon over to say goodbye. He wanted to pull her back out to look at her one more time. It about broke my heart when he blew her kisses as we walked away. I couldn't ever get Braden to go over to her grave to see her. But, he had his eleven year old uncle to keep him company, so he was dealing with things in his own way.

Please keep all of us in your prayers, especially Jonathan and the boys. This is going to be a difficult next few months for them. And thank you to everyone who came by, called, or just thought about us over the last six days. The scripture I picked out for her program still brings me hope:

"... in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39

Melanie's Story